Ever get that feeling of being looked at but not being seen. As much as being beautiful is a blessing, this being looked at without really being seen is not something I care for much. Spending time with my words, but not understanding them, placing me in a box that I didn’t ask for. Giving me admiration, I do not always enjoy.
It has taken a lot of self-determination and will to push through the barriers you have so thoughtlessly set for me. I do not need a box, I do not desire a fence, I do not wish to jump another hurdle. I do not always desire a lip stain or stimulating conversation, I do not always want to wear a laced up corset or a laced down brazier. Sometimes I just want to let it all loose, my tears, my fears, my weaknesses, my insecurities. I am happy to let it hang like that piece of jewellery that has fallen out of my trinket box. I prefer for it to dangle like that branch about to be aborted from it’s tree. I prefer for it all to be unsightly, not beautiful, not perfect, not pristine, just organic and raw because I am only human.
I am not porcelain, I oftentimes prefer for my words to roll off my tongue in self-expression as my soul cries for freedom. Freedom from the chains you have put me in, I do not want permission to dismount this podium where you made me no 1, when I was happy without a Throphy. I do not want you to parade me like your prized horse, nor do I desire to be part of the spectators cheering in the crowd.
I want to live fiercely, freely and bathe in the tranquillity of the bed of my choices, the choices I have made. To dream without apology and wake up renewed by only thoughts of myself, not what you want, not what you made me, not even what I could be. I just want to be looked at and truly seen, for my words to be collected skillfully and curated masterfully, not tossed aside like discarded stencil. I would love to be heard maybe possibly even understood, but most importantly I require you to look at me and truly see me.
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